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Mark and Rain stood a few feet back and watched as the people prepared the balloon for their ride. They had just finished the hour long pre-flight preparation where they told you what you could and couldn't do, what to expect, and other things along that line. It was quite a sight to watch as the balloon went from this flat thing laying on the ground to the huge colorful ball up in the air. Just when they were about to get on board and take off, Rain had one of the people who worked there take some pictures of her and Mark. The look on Mark's face when Rain handed the woman the camera and told him to get ready for a picture ranked right up there with when she threw the water in his face, he didn't know what to think or do.
~He's gonna be so surprised when he sees what I have planned for his present~. A few minutes after the picture was taken, Rain, Mark, and the operator of the balloon were in the air.
~When he comes up with an idea, he really comes up with a good idea~. Rain said to herself, amazed at the view around her. Mark was standing behind her, one arm around her waist, with her hand over his, and the other holding on to one of the lines that led up to the balloon. They had been in the air for about 30 minutes, half the ride being over, and she couldn't have thought of a better way to spend the day. She had even taken a few pictures of the scenery below them and a few of Mark to add to her collection. For the remainder of the ride, Mark and Rain just held each other, talking about this and that as he rested his chin on her shoulder. Right before the balloon touched ground again, Rain tilted her head back and looked up at Mark, mouthing 'Happy birthday' which he answered by lowering his head down for a brief kiss.
After they exited the balloon basket, Rain and Mark were ushered inside for a post flight celebration with the employees. Champagne was passed around and a toast given to those who successfully completed their balloon ride. Complementary pins were also given to mark the occassion, a gesture Rain found quite nice, and she placed hers on the collar of her shirt. For the rest of their time there, Mark and Rain talked and joked with many of the people who had either flown earlier that evening or worked for the company. Rain also had pictures taken of her, Mark, the man who flew the balloon, and everybody else who had helped in their ride. During one of the few times they were seperated, Mark could only smile as he watched Rain laughing and conversing with a few people, looing neither unhappy or uncomfortable around those she didn't know...a sharp contrast to the woman he met at a restaurant due to his truck breaking down.
~Hope I had something to do with that, but as strong a woman as she is, she probably did it all on her own without any help from me~. Mark thought as he talked to a couple who had taken their flight just before him and Rain.
He talked to the couple a little while longer, half interested in what they were saying and not fully paying attention to them before he excused himself and searched for Rain. He found her talking to their instructor and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Seein it was Mark, she smiled up at him and placed her arm around his waist, instantly noticing the expression in his eyes that read 'I've had my fill, can we leave now?'.
She gave him a small hug and turned her attention back to their instructor. "We both want to thank you for the wonderful afternoon and evening. It was definetly a treat." Rain said.
"Well you are most welcomed and I hope to see you again sometime soon." Their instructor replied with a smile.
"Oh, I think you can count on that. This is undoubtably one of those activities you should do more than once in your lifetime." Rain said, shaking his hand followed by Mark.
"Thank you again." They said goodbye to a few other people and headed back to their room.
"Well I do have to say you outdid yourself with this birthday...the lunch, the massage, the balloon ride, the afternoon walk. I haven't had this much attention showered on me since I was little." Mark commented to Rain as they sat on the floor at the foot of the bed listening to a music channel on TV.
"But did you enjoy yourself?" Rain asked as she watched him lean his head back onto the bed.
"Very much so." Mark answered with a grin.
That caused Rain to give a smile of satisfaction, and she turned her gaze to the window which she had opened only moments before. When she looked back at Mark, she found he had turned his head in her direction and was smiling softly at her. "What's that look for?" she asked him.
"You surprised me today." he answered.
"Surprised you how?"
"By how you acted today, so relaxed and sure of yourself. I don't know if that was the right word to describe it or if that sounded stupid, but to look at you now, the same woman who said she wanted to be left alone and didn't care about going out or getting to know people out there laughing and talking with all those people, not hiding or shying away." Mark explained. "I just saw how much you changed."
"Yeah I have, and I prefer the person I am today to the person I was before." she stopped and took his hand. "You're mostly responsible for how much I've changed, you know."
"I didn't do anything..." Mark started, but his statement was cut short by Rain's lips on his.
"Yes, you did. You're just too humble to realize that." Rain said as she leaned against him.
Seeing he wasn't going to win this argument, he dropped the subject and brought up another one he had on his mind. "Why were you taking so many pictures? In the time I've known you, you haven't allowed anybody to take your picture and then, all of the sudden, you're asking people to take our picture. So what gives?"
"You'll find out soon enough and that's all I'm telling you."
"Oh we're keeping secrets now?"
She looked up at him with mischief in her eyes. "Gotta keep you guessing somehow."
Mark gave a 'humph' in repsonse to her statement and lifter her chin with his finger for a kiss. He had only intended for it to be a brief kiss but the response Rain gave him made him deepen and lengthen the kiss. Rain moved her arms around Mark's neck and pulled herself closer to him...the way he made her feel every time they kissed always amazed her. She felt needed and desired, emotions she never thought she'd ever feel herself or evoke in another. Mark interrupted the kiss long enough to move Rain to where she was now straddling his lap and he was looking up at her. He ran the tip of his index finger across her forehead, down to the bridge and tip of her nose to her right cheek, tracing the line of her scar several times while holding her eyes with his.
She moved the fingers of her left hand behind his neck and caressed his cheek with her thumb when he leaned into. Her thumb then passed over his lips, following the outline of them before lowering her mouth. This time the kiss was possessive and demanding, eliciting a slight moan from Mark causing him to intensify their kiss even more. He moved his hands in between them and slowly began to unbutton Rain's shirt, wanting to see more of her. Rain pulled back slightly and tried to still his hands but he moved them away and finished what he had started. He kissed his was from Rain's mouth down her neck and back up again to her ear as Rain moved her head back and held on to Mark's arms. There was a familar panic building in Rain as Mark moved his hands inside her shirt.
She immediately brushed them away and closed her shirt as Mark began to kiss her again, trying to get her to understand just how much he wanted her and wanted to see her. Mark was getting too caught up in the moment, and whereas before he would have stopped, this time he continued, beginning to move underneath Rain like a lover would...a move which caused Rain to lose her composure and drop her hands. Mark took advantage of that and ran his hands inside her shirt was more, moving them to her back and bracing her so she wouldn't fall. If he was disgusted at how her back felt, Mark didn't let on but it brought Rain back to reality and she tried to voice her want for him to stop but his mouth on hers was preventing that.
Mark moved his hands down her back, to her stomach, and back up to her shoulders, grasping the collar of her shirt and proceeding to slip it off her. Rain was unable to suppress her panic this time and broke the kiss, gasping for air and saying his name, trying to get his attention, but he didn't hear her and began concentrating his kisses on her neck and shoulders. She said his name again, desperate for him to stop and even tried lightly pulling his hair but to no avail. Mark had her shirt down to her wrists and gathered around her waist when she yelled 'STOP!' and covered herself quickly with her shirt.
"Wh-what's wrong?" he asked, shocked by her outburst and the tears he saw in her eyes. "Did I hurt you?"
"I c-can't...do...th-this!" she sobbed and ran to the bathroom before Mark had time to react, locking the door behind her. Rain slid down the door to the cold floor beneath her in an emotional heap. ~Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!~ she screamed inside, ~Why did I do that? Why did I run away? It's what I want, it's what we both want and I still ran away!~
Rain clutched her shirt tightly in her hands and silently cried at her actions; she had probably made a real mess of things now. She jumped when she heard Mark knocking on the door, asking and pleading with her to open it, apologizing for hurting her. She almost unlocked the door but quickly pulled her hand back, not wanting him to see her in the shape she was presently in. Mark continued his pleading for five or ten minutes before giving up, feeling like a defeated man. Rain heard him whisper 'I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt you' followed by the opening and closing of their room door, giving her the space he thought she wanted and the time he needed to clear his head.
Rain sat in the floor for who knows how long, feeling defeated herself, before she pulled herself up to the edge of the tub. ~I probably lost one of the best things that has ever happened to me because of my fears and the words of another from the past. He now thinks I don't trust him, and why should he? I just pushed him away~. Rain turned the water on in the tub and began to draw a bath for herself, adding some vanilla bubble bath she had brought with her. After she undressed and pulled her hair back, Rain slowly lowered herself into the tub, closing her eyes and hoping this would relax her as it always did.
Rain soaked in the tub for an hour and a half but it did little to make her feel better, or take the edge off her nerves. The entire time she was in the tub, she expected to hear Mark walk back into the room and to see him sitting on the edge of the bed ready to force her to talk to him, but the door to the room never opened. Tired of just sitting there, Rain let out a long sigh and stepped out of the tub letting the water drain out and grabbed her robe. Rain caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and let her eyes linger a little longer over her body, remembering how she felt when Mark had touched her that night. Her heart had been overwhelmed, wanting him to continue his display of love for her, enjoying the feel of his lips on her body. If her heart had had its way, Rain would still have been in Mark's arms, lying beside him in bed, and not feeling sorry for herself, standing alone in an empty bathroom. Rain had let that small voice have its way over her mind again, drowning out what her heart was telling her, planting seeds of doubt and echoing her anxiety over the appearance and short comings of her body until she could no longer ignore it and had to give in to what it was saying. 'Who would want you?' it would say, 'No man could ever find you attractive or desirable.', 'As soon as he saw you, he'd run the other way because no man would want to, no could NEVER, become romantically invovled with you!'.
The same things would be said over and over and over again, it never let up...and there was only one time in her life when she had been able to push it away and love somebody. Rain had hoped the love and trust she and Mark shared would be enough to finally put that voice to rest, after all, he never gave her any impression that he found her unattractive. As a matter of fact, he was always telling her how beautiful she was, saying all these things that made her feel wonderful and longed for, and she knew he would never lie to her. Mark had never given her a reason to even think for one minute that he was just stringing her along, that it was all an act and he would run out like Ja-...
Rain quickly turned away from the mirror and slipped into her robe, turning off the light and opening the door. She noticed her keys were gone and wondered if Mark had decided to stay at a hotel room, trying to get away from her, or if he would come back. Plopping down on the bed, Rain picked up the remote and started the march through the channels finally stopping on a station showing an old Saturday Night Live episode. This occupied her mind for all of about 15 minutes before she turned the TV off, disgusted, and moved to the window to sit there. She had contemplated picking up the phone and calling Micheal, needing someone to talk to, but she didn't want to bother him with yet another of her dilemas. She dug her own grave, so to speak, so she decided to just wait and see if Mark was coming back. As she looked out the window, Rain thought maybe it was time for her to tell him about that part of her past...
Rain looked at the clock...midnight. ~He's not coming back~ she thought, ~Guess I found my answer~. Rain threw her arm up in the air, at a loss for what to do next as she looked around the room. The tears began to flow and she decided to just call it a night and go to bed. Her feet had just hit the floor when the door opened and Mark walked in. He looked at her briefly, long enough for her to see his blood-shot eyes, and sat down on the bed, pulling himself against the headboard and staring straight ahead. ~Should I go over there and say something to him? He doesn't look like he wants to talk to or have anything to do with me~.
Figuring he was waiting for her to say something, Rain closed the drapes, wiped away the few tears that had fallen down her face, and made her way over to Mark. She sat down beside him and pulled her knees up, trying to figure out Mark's mood and how would react to some of the things she was going to tell him. Rain took a deep breath and looked at Mark, his eyes were cast downward and were just as puffy and red as hers from crying. "I didn't think you..."
"Were gonna come back?" Mark finished for her. He raised his eyes to meet hers and Rain saw a mixture of hurt...and anger. "I told you I would never leave you like that. It's not the kind of person I am, and I don't know how many times I'll have to say that before you'll begin to believe me. I'm getting tired of having to repeat myself."
"I guess I deserved that after how I acted, and I do know you're not that kind of person...and I do trust you."
"Trust me, huh? Then why did you just run away from me? Why wouldn't you talk to me?" Mark yelled. "I thought you wanted the same thing I did tonight but I was obviously mistaken. So what did I do wrong?"
"This really doesn't have anything to do with you."
"I fail to see how this has nothing to do with me. After all, you ran away in tears after I was touching you."
"It has more to do with me than it does with you, and how I feel about myself. You just happen to be involved in this because you're dating me." Rain explained and laughed. "You're probably thinking 'great, now what have I gotten myself into now...there can't possibly be anything else'."
"Please tell me what I've done wrong or what's going on?" Mark asked, his foul mood falling to the wayside. "I can already tell it has something to do with the past...and I'll guess Jason's involved."
"Everything with me has something to do with the past, it's always that way and I don't think I'll ever escape it." Rain said as her shoulders slumped. "You remember how I said Jason did something very hurtful to me?"
"Yes?"
"Well, what he did to me that night is mostly responsible for why I yelled for you to stop, why I always stiffen when you touch me, and why I don't want you to see my body." Rain continued.
Mark's face suddenly became red and his chest heaved up and down as a growing rage came to the surface. He clinched and unclinched his fist trying to control it, but that wasn't working. Rain didn't know where this rush of anger was coming from, but one thing she knew for certain, he was beginning to scare her. Rain slowly edged away from Mark, unaware that he was thinking the worst of Jason at that moment.
"Did he, did he..." Mark stopped and tried to gain some kind of control. "Did he lay one hand on you? Did he try something he shouldn't have?"
Rain read between the lines and knew exactly what he was asking. "No, Mark...it wasn't anything like that. He was cruel and heartless but not THAT much. Besides, I wasn't even good enough for that to him."
"I don't like it when you berate yourself like that." Mark said, getting angry again.
Rain immediately grabbed his hands in hers and forced him to look in her eyes. "You need to calm down, Mark, and let me explain what happened. What I have to tell you is going to be kinda rough on you, to hear some of what he did, but I can't tell you if you're gonna get this angry. The way you are right now is scaring me." Mark nodded his head, took a long, deep breath, and waited for her to continue. "Well like I told you before. Jason and I had come back to my house to watch a movie and I went to change my clothes. I guess I didn't completely close the door after I walked in because I had just undressed, standing there in only my bra and underwear when I heard someone gasp behind me. I spun around and saw Jason standing in the doorway and quickly grabbed my shirt to try and cover myself but Jason walked over to me and ripped the shirt away. He grabbed my arm and roughly turned me around, just looking at my body and probably making a mental note of everything that was wronng with me, and then he threw me on the bed. I don't think I've ever been that humilated in my life. All the taunts, stares, and comments were a blessing compared to that moment. I felt like I was piece of meat, for lack of a better word, he made me feel like I was something less than human. I was crying very hard, of course. God knows I tried not to but I was hurting so much, sitting there with a pillow, trying to hide myself and looking at a person I thought cared about me and only seeing this cold, callous, uncaring man in the front of me."
Rain stopped when she felt Mark's hands clamping down on hers. She looked up and saw murder in his eyes. Mark realizing what he was doing, let her hands go and grabbed the side of the bed instead, slowly counting to ten. He didn't want to hear anymore, knowing it was only going to make him more furious, but he motioned for her to go on.
"Jason started yelling all these things at me. The first thing out of his mouth was, 'You're completely digusting, I knew you probably had something wrong with you because of your face, but this, this is grotesque.' followed by 'I can't believe I wanted to be with you. You're a monster, that's all you are, a disfigured, ugly, repulsive monster. You may be a nice woman, but there's no way in hell I could continue this relationship with a person who makes me sick. I wouldn't be able to f*ck you let alone make love to you. There's no amount of imagery in the world that could make me forget that I was with you...and to touch that body? I'd rather live a life without sex than to do that. Only a desperate man would want you, and he's have to be pretty desperate, or drunk out of his mind because no other man in their right mind could ever love you'.
He said a few other choice things that I won't voice because they were even more hateful than what I've already said and turned to leave, but then an idea popped into his head. I guess he wanted to play with my mind, to shatter what little part of me was still sane at that moment. He walked back over to me and forced me down on my back, pinning my arms to my sides, and looking down at me. 'Here's something to remember me by' he said and started pressing himself against me in a suggestive way. Right before he got off of me, he said 'That'll probably be the only time you ever get a man to do that to you again.' and then he left. Complete emotional wreck would be the words to describe the person he left in that room. I threw on my robe and went to the kitchen, grabbed all the alcohol I could find, and drank myself into oblivion. It didn't make me feel any better, numbed the pain some, but I couldn't drink enough to forget what he said to me. I think I eventually passed out a few hours later on the couch. I didn't go to work for the next three days. I avoided the phone, I avoided leaving the house...I just shut down, walking around in a daze, hearing Jason's voice, knowing he was right about no man wanting me or loving me. I told myself I was a monster and I hated myself and my body. How could I ever trust another man with my body after what he did?
And that was the state in which Micheal found me. When I told him what happened, he became as angry, if not angrier, than you are right now. He wanted to kill him and he was halfway to his car to do that before I was able to stop him. Micheal tried to undo some of the damage Jason had done, telling me I wasn't a monster, I wasn't ugly or repulsive, and I shouldn't listen to a son of a b*tch like Jason, but I wouldn't listen to him. So he-" Rain hesitated, not knowing if she should continue. "I don't know how you're gonna take this next part."
"Don't worry about that, just go ahead and tell me." Mark assured her. He had an idea what she was going to tell him.
"So he began to tell me how attractive he found me, how he had always found me attractive, and other things I had needed to hear after the hate I had heard days before. Then he started to caress my face and followed that with a kiss, a wonderful kiss." Rain began to play with her bracelet. "I was shocked out of my mind, mostly because Micheal was a friend and I wasn't expecting him to just kiss me like that. I thought for a minute that we shouldn't do this but I didn't ask him to stop, I didn't want him to stop. One thing led to another and, well...I don't think I have to spell it out for you."
"No you don't." Mark commented. "You must be the woman he told me about when he came to visit me about 6 or 7 years ago. It was the first time he had ever convayed any interest in a woman to me...well, interest as far as someone he could build a relationship with and someone he could love."
Rain's mouth fell open in shock. She had never known that about Micheal, he had never given her any clue, or maybe he had. There were times when he would say he had something to talk to her about but then he would tell her it was nothing. And then there were times when she could tell he was looking at her as someone who was in love would, not just as a friend.
"I take it from your reaction you didn't know about his feelings for you." Mark said.
"No, I, uh...I, after, well that night and after that night, I could tell we had...feelings for each other, there was, uh, there was no way to hide that. And I loved him and he loved me...I mean, we still love each other and care about each other. There were times I thought, well, I thought I saw something in his eyes, but...I dismissed it, I..." Rain couldn't continue because she was becoming flustered.
"Why didn't you guys follow through with it? You both cared for each other, loved each other, depended on each other, were always there for each other, and trusted each other. Sounds like all the right ingredients for a long-lasting and successful relationship to me."
"There were times I wondered about that myself." Rain answered. "It never came up, we never talked about it. I have to be honest with you, though, if Micheal had told me he wanted to explore the option of becoming more than friends, for more than just one night, I would have done it, I would have said yes. After how he made me feel that night, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world and I never thought I'd feel that from a man. I think Micheal considered us becoming a couple but he never actually went through with asking me because he thought I needed a friend more than I needed a lover. And then there was the risk you take of losing a friendship if things don't work out like you thought they would. I think it basically came down to that for both of us. I was willing to give up any chance to finding love with Micheal, even if it was my only chance to love somebody, to ensure a lifelong friendship with him."
"Pretty selfless act both of you did considering how it seemed like you belonged together. Everything pointed in that direction." Mark said.
"Our parents said the same thing. They bugged us about when we were gonna just drop the act and admit we were meant to be so much more than friends, but when they realized that's all we wanted to be, they were understanding but disappointed." Rain laughed. "I think they were already planning our wedding." Rain swung her legs over the side of the bed and looked at the floor for a while before turning her eyes back to Mark. "You're not upset with me or Micheal, are you...because we didn't tell you? This won't change anything between us or between the three of us will it? If it upsets you, I truly am sorry, but I won't say that it was wrong or a mistake because it wasn't to either Micheal or myself. I needed him that night, I needed someone to show me love and to show me I could be wanted, and I hope you can understand that."
"It's not my place to be upset. This happened long before you and I met and decided to be together and I know I have nothing to worry about because I know you love me." Mark assured her. "I'm not surprised that something happened between you two, I could tell actually. There's a closeness and love there between you and Micheal which could have only come from being lovers."
"I think we've REALLY gotten off the subject here." Rain said, swinging her legs back and forth. ~I can't believe I discussed my relationship with Micheal with him~. "Back to what we were talking about before...my actions tonight. I should apol-"
"No you shouldn't, I should, especially after what you have just told me. I was thinking with another part of my anatomy instead of my head." Mark interrupted. "I should have stopped, I should have been paying attention to your reaction, but, well, you were making it hard to focus on anything at all." Mark moved behind Rain so that she was now sitting between his legs and wrapped in his arms. Rain leaned her head back onto his shoulder as Mark rested his forehead on hers. "Can I ask you something, Rain?" Mark's muffled voice broke the silence. Rain nodded her head. "How was Micheal able to do it?"
"Do what?"
"Get you to trust him, to trust he wasn't going to turn away from you when you showed yourself to him."
"He had already seen me, my back and stomach and legs I mean. I was comfortable enough in front of him to wear tank tops and even shorts. So it wasn't a complete surprise to him." Rain answered. "And well, I just let myself go and gave in to him."
"You could do the same with me." Mark whispered in her ear. "You can trust me, Rain. You can trust me."
"That's why this is so hard for me. I KNOW I can trust you, I KNOW you won't hurt me, but I'm still scared." Rain said and closed her eyes.
"You're scared because I've never seen you before, right?"
"Yes."
"Then describe yourself to me."
"What?"
"Describe your body to me." Mark whispered. "Maybe it will ease some of your fears."
"Okay." she barely said and proceeded to paint a picture of herself for Mark.
"I haven't changed my mind, I still want to see you." Mark said after she finished and began to kiss her ear and her neck, holding her tighter as Rain laced her fingers with his. "I still want to see you."
Rain tilted her head towards his so she could see if his eyes were saying the same words as his mouth, and she saw only concern and love for her. Smiling down at her, Mark began to kiss her, giving Rain a very slow, sensual kiss that left her breathless and wanting more. He reached up and removed the clip from Rain's hair, running his fingers through her curls in lazy strokes.
"Trust me, Rain." he said into her hair and brought his mouth back to hers for another kiss. Mark placed his hands on her hips and moved her to where she was now standing in between his legs, all the while keeping his lips on hers. When the kiss ended, Rain looked down at Mark, cupping his face in her hands as Mark snaked his arms around her waist.
~I love him so much. It's time for me to completely trust him~. Rain eased her hands down Mark's arms to his hands and grasped them, slowly moving their hands from her back, around her waist to the front of her robe, stopping them where her belt was tied and holding the robe together. Mark looked up in question, wanting to make sure he was understanding her message, and Rain gave him a smile and a nod. 'This is what I want', she mouthed to him. Mark kept his eyes locked into Rain's as he undid the belt of her robe with surprisingly shaky fingers. When the flimsy material fell to her side, Mark didn't rush in opening the robe, instead he stood and picked her up in his arms, laying her down in the middle of the bed and moving beside her.
Mark took the next few minutes to relax Rain with showers of kisses on her lips and neck, still refraining from exposing her body to his view. Rain reached up every now and again to caress his face or brush his hair over his shoulder, touched by his need to make sure she was comfortable with him and not just hurrying to satisfy his wants. No longer able to hold himself back, Mark eased his hand down to her robe, easing the sides of the garmet off her body. He noticed how Rain turned her head away from him after he lifted her back off the bed to completely remove the robe. Mark placed his hand on the side of her face and turned her head back towards him, smiling at Rain and giving her a kiss. Mark then focused his attention on the rest of her body, a simple pair of underwear bing the only thing covering her from his view. He noticed several scars running across her stomach and chest. One in particular ran the full length of her stomach, from her sternum to just above her pelvis, a surgery scar he guessed. The scars, however, didn't take away from the beauty he saw.
Rain had a figure most men dreamed about at night, the kind of figure that could make many a man's heart speed up and mouths go dry. ~God she is beautiful~ he thought, ~If those arrogant, self-centered a\\$$holes only knew what they were missing, what they had thrown away and lost their chance with because she wasn't 'perfect' in their eyes...~ Rain began to wonder if Mark was beginning to regret his insistence on seeing her body...he hadn't yet moved or touched her since his eyes fell below her neck.
~I knew he probably wouldn't find me attr-~ Rain's mind froze as she felt Mark's lips on her stomach and realized he was kissing along her scars. She felt her eyes glazing over as Mark silently told her how he accepted her body, scars and all, and began to tremble when she felt Mark slowly kiss down the scar she had received from surgery. When she began to tremble, Mark immediately raised his head to hers and began telling her how beautiful her body was, how attractive she was, how he loved her body while looking straight in to her eyes. Rain believed every word, not doubting him for one moment. Mark took her hand and softly kissed it before placing it over his heart and kissing her lips. Rain kept her hand over his heart as Mark began to play with her hair, wanting to slow things down some, knowing how big this was for Rain and letting the events of the past few minutes sink in.
"Rain, roll over on your stomach for me." Mark murmured in her ear after some time had passed.
Rain's eyes became wide and she began to emphatically shake her head. "No...please don't make me do that."
"Shhh." Mark said, placing a finger over her lips. "I'm not going to hurt you." Rain looked at him for a minute and closed her eyes, doing what he asked. She felt him sweep her hair over her left shoulder, and waited for him to gasp or express how sorry he felt for her, something along those lines, but it never came, so all she could do was wait and see what he'd do next.
Mark glanced over her back, taking in the angry appearance of her skin, but this was not his motive in asking her to lie on her stomach. Raising himself to where he was sitting with his legs underneath him, Mark placed his hands at the nape of her neck and began to massage the tense muscles that lay beneath, kneading away the stress which had localized itself in her neck and shoulders. Once this area her body was completely relaxed, he moved to the muscles in her back, which weren't as tense as her neck and shoulders but still needed his full attention. Mark continued his massage for an hour, working his was down her legs, arms, and even a foot massage to boot. When he finished, Rain felt as limp as a ragdoll, unaware that she was only there in her underwear and that Mark was looking at her body.
~Mental note...he needs to do this more often~ Rain thought with a smile. Mark saw her smile and knew he had acconplished his goal, she was no longer laying there only thinking 'he's going to hate my body', he could see her worries over her body were the furthest thing from her mind.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, muuuucchhh better." she answered. "I think you're in the wrong profession, Mark. Those hands are definetly too talented to waste on a motorcycle."
"Do you want to put your robe back on?" he asked, already reaching for the garmet.
"No need to do that." she replied. "I no longer have to hide from you."
Mark kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Always remember that. You never have to hide your body, your pain, your weakness, anything from me."
"I know that now."
Mark stood up and discarded his shirt and jeans, turned out the lights, and climbed back into bed with Rain. He covered them with the sheets and pulled Rain's back against his body, his arms wrapped tight around her. "At least we ended the night on a good note." he commented.
"We never could stay mad at each other for a long time." she laughed. "Guess that's a good thing."
"I'd much rather be like this than mad. My mom always says you should never go to bed angry, always try to fix things before you fall asleep when you can."
"Good rule. I think we should follow it."
"That's fine with me." he said and hugged her. "I could get used to this, falling asleep every night with you beside me."
"Why don't we make it a reality. What do you say to living together?"
"I say let's do it."
"Good." she said and kissed him. "I love you."
"As do I, my love."
The next four months passed quickly for Rain. Between her time with Mark, Micheal, her parents, Mark's parents, trips to Texas to help with the wedding and to be fitted for her dress, and work, Rain kept very busy and had litttle time to sit down. It still amazed her every day how much her life had changed from when she had first moved to Tennessee. She was no longer that person who was reclusive, untrusting, and always thinking the worst of people. She was now the Rain who had been so carefree and fun when Cassandra had been alive. Rain's parents were also enjoying their daughter's newfound happiness. At first they had Micheal to thank for bringing a part of their daughter out of the darkness, and now they had both Mark and Micheal to thank. Their friendship, trust, and love would always be there for her and her parents knew she finally had people in her life she could always count on.
"Here you go, Mark." Rain said as she handed him the garland to hang along the fireplace. She then turned her attention back to the tree. They were doing one of her favorite activities, decorating the house for the coming Christmas holidays.
"Any special way you want me to hang this?"
"No, just make sure it isn't in a place where it could catch on fire." Rain commented.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence there." he smirked and turned to the mantle. A smile crossed his face when he looked at the picture of him and Rain outside the bed and breakfast they had stayed at for his birthday. His other birthday present from Rain was sitting on his desk at work...a collage of pictures she had taken during their balloon ride and one picture of them with their champagne glasses in their hands. He couldn't have asked for a better birthday present than those pictures. Taking a step back, he surveyed his handywork and grinned smuggly to himself. ~Not bad if I do so say myself~. He looked over his shoulder at Rain who had only halfway finished the tree and was taking a break by sitting down in a chair and rummaging through a box of Christmas decorations. He was beginning to worry about her because she had already taken several breaks that day, saying she was feeling a little run down. She had been fighting a cold for the past few weeks on top of all the running around she had been doing, so he could see why she was tired. But still...
"Do you want me to finish decorating the house while you take a nap?" he asked.
"No, I'll be alright." she answered.
He almost pressed the issue but decided to drop it. "Well?" he said, gesturing towards the fireplace.
"Bravo. I guess you are useful for something other than fixing motorcycles after all."
"Who would have thought it to be true?" he asked in mock surprise. "Want me to hang up the rest of those ornaments?"
"Yeah, thank you." she answered and handed him the box of ornaments. Sitting back, she watched Mark finish decorating the tree. ~Wish I could shake this cold or whatever is wrong with me. I hate this need to always sit down and take a breather~.
"This is going to be the first time that I've held Christmas at my house. Most of the time I just go out to my parent's house and spend Christmas there. I'm so excited to have you, Micheal, and my parents here for Christmas."
"Almost as excited as my parents are to hear we're going there for New Year's. You think you're gonna feel up for that?"
"I'll be fine. It's just one of those winter colds everybody gets. Besides, I wouldn't miss going out there for anything. Your mom and Micheal's mom are already hounding me about what I want for Christmas." Rain answered. "Micheal's mom would have come her and dragged me back to Texas herself if I didn't come because we haven't seen each other in a while."
"I was just curious because you haven't been feeling well for a couple weeks."
"I'll be fine." Rain repeated. "What I'm curious about is this surprise you have planned for me next weekend. You gonna give me a clue as to what I'm walking myself into?"
"A magician never reveals his secrets. You'll just have to wait like a good little girl." Mark teased.
"All I have to say is this better be good. Ordering me to stay home next Saturday, swearing Micheal and my parents to secrecy, not giving me a hint as to what it could be."
"Oh, I think you're gonna like this." Mark said with a wink. ~At least I hope you will~.
Mark's big surprise for the next weekend was he intended to propose to Rain. He had a whole elaborate scheme set up for what he considered to be one of the most important and probably most nerve wracking nights of his life. Wanting to be old fashioned, he had first gone to Rain's parent's house and formally asked for their daughter's hand in marriage. After having to answer some pretty tough questions (he was pratically sweating, his heart was pounding out of his chest, and he was shaking like a leaf in the wind), her parents had given him their blessing and their love to marry Rain. Once he had that weight off his shoulders, Rain's mother had lightened the mood by asking if he had any ideas on how he was going to propose to Rain. He had tossed around several ideas in his head but couldn't come up with one he particularly like because he didn't know if he wanted to do the restaurant, down on one knee, box in hand thing or make the proposal more interesting and fun. That's when Cynthia suggested doing something that centered around the Christmas holiday since it was Rain's favorite time of the year. Mark liked that plan but didn't know how he was going to fit it all together until Cynthia remembered something she had seen on television. She had been watching The Learning Channel and they were showing a program detailing some of the wildest and most interesting wedding proposals.
One of the stories involved a couple where a man proposed to the woman while they were taking in the Christmas light on all the houses...he had written in lights 'Will you marry me'. Mark jumped on that idea right away (she'll flip when she sees that), and they began to plan what would happen that night.
"Okay, I won't bug you anymore tonight, but I'm gonna bug you a lot during the next week and I think I'll be giving Micheal and my parents a call." Rain said.
"Go ahead and try. They're not going to tell you anything." Mark challenged.
"We'll see." Rain said and walked over to the Christmas tree, turning on the lights. She stood back and wrapped her arms around Mark. "Not bad, not bad at all. Now it's officially Christmas."
~Okay, I'm completely confused here. We're going to an expensive restaurant just because Mark felt like doing it? That doesn't seem like something he's do at all~. Rain looked at herself one last time in the mirror, making sure that everything looked okay. Mark had asked her to wear the black, stretch velvet, long-sleeved, floor length dress she now had on before she even had a chance to contemplate wearing anything else. Rain swept her hair over one shoulder and placed her necklace around her neck. Grabbing her coat, she glanced one last time, this time actually being the last time, at her reflection and walked into the living room where Mark was waiting for her.
"Alright, I'm wearing the dress you wanted me to wear, I'm all dolled up, now will you tell me what's going on?" she asked.
Mark walked over to her and pulled a dozen burgundy tulips, the same flowers he had first given her, from behind his back. "Not yet, but I hope these will hold you over for the next few hours."
Rain smiled and took the flowers, breathing in their fragrance...and then she turned a suspicious eye in Mark's direction. "Okay, what did you do? You must have done something VERY serious to give me flowers and take me out to dinner. Did you feed the dogs something you shouldn't have? Did the cat run away while I was at work and you found him right before I came home? Are you going to jail or something? You're starting to scare me here."
Mark let out a roar of laughter at the questions Rain was asking him. "No, I didn't do anything to the dogs, I didn't let the cat run away, and I'm not going to jail. I think your imagination is running a little wild, Rain."
"Then why are you doing all of this?" she asked.
"Boy you must not like surprises. Is there something wrong with lavishing a little attention on someone I care about? You're taking the fun out of this, just sit back and enjoy it." Mark said as he took her coat and held it open for her. Rain slipped into the coat after placing the flowers in a chair.
"I guess I'm ruining this for you, after all there's nothing wrong with being nice." Rain picked up the flowers. "Just let me put these in water and I'll be ready."
Mark let out a breath he had been holding as he watched her walk away. ~I hope the rest of the evening runs smoother than it has so far. We're gonna have to stay out for at least two or three hours and I don't know if her patience is going to last that long~.
"Well, I'm yours to pamper, spoil, and indulge as you see fit." Rain said.
Mark bowed slightly and slipped Rain's hand into the bend of his arm. "That's what I intend to do, my lady."
Rain shook her head and laughed as he led her to the car. As they pulled away, Rain didn't notice her parents and Micheal pull into the driveway to set things into motion.
"I bet people think you're kidnapping me because of this blindfold you have over my eyes." Rain commented to Mark. "You better watch out, they may call the police after you."
"I wouldn't have to worry about anything, they'd just give you back to me." Mark jeered.
"Jerk." she muttered under her breath. Rain had no idea where Mark was taking her. He had spared no expense at dinner, buying her lobster and crab legs, her favorite champagne, and cheesecake smothered in irish creme sauce with raspberry topping. After this, Mark had whisked her away to a park where they enjoyed a brief walk and a ride in a horse drawn carriage he had spotted right as they were getting ready to leave. Rain noticed that Mark kept checking his watch several times during the ride, and when they were walking back to the car, his cell phone rang (she never even knew he HAD a cell phone) and he informed her they were off to their final destination...right before he told her she had to wear a blindfold. And this was where Rain now found herself, blindfolded and racking her brain as to where he could possibly be taking her.
"Just tell me that when the car stops and you help me out of it, I won't hear the words 'ready, aim, fire'."
"Darn, you guessed what I'm gonna do." he said, snapping his fingers. "Whatever will I do now?"
"You're really getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"
"More than you know." he answered. "But now you don't have to wonder what it is anymore."
Rain felt the car stop and heard car door open and close. Seconds later, she felt a cold breeze hit her as her door opened and Mark helped her get out of the car. They took a few steps and stopped. Rain pateintly waited for Mark to say something, feeling a little uneasy as the seconds ticked slowly by and Mark did nothing. She breathed a sigh of relief when Mark's hands went around hers, confused as to why they were shaking.
"I have a question for you. Do you like your name?"
"Do I like my name? What kind of a question is that?" she asked, puzzled.
"Just answer the question. Do you like your name?"
"Yes, I like my name." she answered. "What, you don't like it?"
"Of course I like it...but would you consider changing it?"
"Why would I change my name?"
"Because of this..." Mark slowly removed the blinfold and stood behind Rain so she could fully see what was in fron of her. Rain could see that they were standing in the driveway of their house, and when she looked up, her jaw dropped in absolute shock. There in front of the house was a sign lit up with lights that read 'Will you marry me'. Rain didn't know what to think or do...all she was capable of doing was staring. She saw the words, understood what they were asking, but her mind still wouldn't comprehend that he was actually asking her to marry him.
Mark reached into his pocket, pulled out the black box containing her engagement ring, and knelt before Rain, taking her hand. He smiled as Rain continued to gawk at the lights in the front yard. ~I really blew her away with this one~. Squeezing her hand finally brought her attention down to where he was kneeling. Seeing Mark there on one knee with a box in his hand, containing a ring with an aquamarine stone and a platinum band, really drove it home.
"Oh my God, you're serious about this." she said in a shaky voice, her eyes starting to glisten with tears. She suddenly became aware of everything that was going on around her...some of her neighbors were in their yard looking at her house, some remained inside and looked through their curtains, she even noticed the lights on in her house and the sudden closing of her curtains.
"So what do you say...will you change your name for me?"
Rain's free hand went to her mouth as tears finally fell down her face. She lowered her lips to his in a loving kiss and moved her mouth to his ear. "Yes."
Mark gave her a big smile, slipped the ring on her finger, and stood so he could pick her up and spin her around. Rain faintly heard people cheering and clapping around her...and she saw her parents and Micheal standing in her living room window giving her a thumbs-up. "Well I'll give you this much, it was DEFINITELY worth the wait and all the frustration you put me through. You're a brave man, though, I could have said no and all these people would have seen it." Rain said when he placed her back on the ground.
Mark chuckled. "But you didn't and that's all that matters." And then he began to kiss her.
Sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket, Rain sipped her apple-cinnamon tea and started flipping though the pages of a magazine containing samples of invitations. About two months had passed since that wonderful day when she became engaged and she was wishing she could go back to that time because right now, frankly, Rain felt like shit. When she and Mark had returned from Texas, Rain had the rotten luck of coming down with the flu. That, on top of already being run down from her previous bout with the cold, knocked her out of work for a week and a half, and even when she 'recovered' from the flu, her energy had dropped to practically nothing.
Work began to be a task instead of being fun like it always had been and she was always having to take numerous breaks in order to complete just half the work she had been able to do before all her health problems started. It was also interfering in what she could do outside of work. She wasn't able to take as many walks with Mark and the dogs because she was so tired after work or she just didn't feel up to it. At first, she and Mark figured she was just having a slower and harder time getting over the flu. After all, nobody got the flu and after they stopped sniffling and sneezing were back to normal right away and up to running a marathon. When it became clear that she just wasn't recovering as she should be, Mark urged her to see the doctor, but there wasn't a doctor's appointment available for weeks to come, so she figured she'd just tough it out and see if things would eventually get better...that's when the stomach pains began.
They were so vague at first, a slight discomfort every now and again that made her feel full, nothing to painful that some Advil didn't fix, but soon the pain became worse and more and more Advil was needed to ease the pain. That didn't concern her as much as the continued abdominal swelling she was experiencing. Warning bells were sounding left and right in her head, bells she wanted to ignore but the more she ignored them, the louder they became until she had to pay attention to it. As Rain continued to struggle with this, she kept Mark in the dark about it...he only knew she was tired all the time but knew nothing of her other problems. It may not have been the right thing to do but Rain didn't want to alarm him. 'It may be something else, a hundred things can cause stomach pain' she thought to herself, 'It doesn't have to be that one thing'.
Rain dropped the magazine as the pain in her abdomen reached a level she could no longer ignore. She now knew what she had to do...the pain just wasn't going to go away, the fatigue wasn't going to go away, and she had waited long enough for everything else it could have possibly been to work itself out. Pulling out the phone book, Rain looked for her doctor's number and picked up the portable phone. She spent an hour on the phone with the receptionist trying to get an appointment sooner than months down the road, and after pressuring and repeating that she couldn't wait a few months more to see the doctor, the receptionist magically and mysteriously found a spot for her in two weeks. Rain felt a little better when she hung up the phone, at least she would finally find out what was wrong with her, but now she had a new problem. Her appointment fell right at the same time as the trip Mark would be taking to Texas to celebrate his father's birthday.
"I've changed my mind, I'm not going to Texas. I should be here with you and not at some party." Mark said as they waited for his flight to be called.
"It's not just some party, it's your father's birthday party, and I'll be alright Mark." Rain said, trying to convince Mark as well as herself. "And you know the minute I find out anything, I'll be on the phone calling you."
"My parents would understand."
"Yes, but your mother has spent a lot of time planning this party and it's one of the few times when you and your sister can be there for his birthday." Rain sighed and took his hand. "We've already had this conversation many times before. I want you to go."
"But I feel like I'm letting you down." Mark explained.
"You're not letting me down." Rain stopped when she heard his flight was beginning to board. "Now I want you to go and enjoy yourself...or at least try to. I know you're going to be worrying about me."
"That's putting it mildly. You're gonna be on my mind every minute I'm there. THAT'S why I would be better off staying here because I won't be able to enjoy myself."
"Mark, you'll only be gone a couple of days and if I need you, I'll call you right away without hesitation. You also know that Micheal will be here and will call you himself if he thinks anything is wrong. So please go."
"Okay, okay." Mark relented. "I don't like it, but I'll do it. I'll call you when I get there and you call me the minute you find out anything."
"I will." Rain said and gave him a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you." Rain watched as he walked through the corridor into the plane. Once she could no longer see his plane, Rain headed out of the airport to her car.
Rain looked around the doctor's office, trying to occupy her mind, not wanting to think of what lay ahead of her and what the doctor could tell her. Two days had passed since her appointment...they had taken blood, done an ultrasound, and even taken a biopsy of her ovaries, all this based on her symptoms and family history. She had been so overwhelmed by the events of that day, she went home and called Micheal to come over and stay with her. Rain needed someone with her that night and she didn't want to call Mark or her parents because she didn't want to alarm them. She wanted to be absolutely sure before she told them anything. Micheal had rushed over that night to be with her and comfort her as he had every time she had needed him before in their friendship. He held her as she cried and talked about the possibility of life with cancer...and losing it to cancer. He talked to her as she began to second guess herself, calling herself stupid and an idiot for not heading the signs that something was terribly wrong right away and immediately going to the doctor, especially in light of her mother's death from cancer. He also held her hand until she fell asleep, leaving only after he was SURE she was asleep to lay down on the couch. And now he was sitting beside her as she waited for the doctor.
"Are you holding up okay?" Micheal asked her. "Well, in light of the present situation."
"I'm so scared Micheal." Rain answered. "A lot of things will change if this turns out like I think it will. What will I tell Mark? What will I tell my parents? How am I going to make it through this?"
"I would say I could understand your fears and what you're going through, but I'm not going to do that like so many others do because I don't want to trivialize what you're going through. Know this though, if things turn out fine, I'll be here for you until we find out what's wrong. If they don't, I'll still be here for you as will Mark and your parents. We're going to help you through this either way."
"Thank you." she whispered and hugged him. They had just pulled apart when the door opened and the doctor walked in. She walked around the desk, took a seat, opened Rain's medical record, and focused her attention on Micheal and Rain. All Rain could do was hold her breath and squeeze Micheal's hand...and pray that luck would fall on her side.