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"Is that more comfortable, Uncle Mark?" Alexahndria asked after she fluffed the pillow and placed it behind his head so he could sit up straighter.
"Thanks honey. That feels...much...better." Mark said. His struggle for every breath made it difficult for him to talk at times. "I...can see...you much better now."
"You shoudn't be talking too much right now. I know how much it hurts you to do so." Alexahndria placed the oxygen mask back on his face. As usual, he only allowed the mask to stay on for a minute or two, enough to catch his breath, before taking it off.
"But you need to keep this on." Alexahndria smiled and again placed the mask on his face.
"But I enjoy talking...to you too much." Mark explained.
"I will, after we're finished." Mark took her hand and looked at her engagement ring which was tailored after a ring he was very familiar with. "So how are the wedding...plans going?"
"They're going. Everything's almost finished."Alexahndria answered.
"I thought you had an appointment with someone today about the wedding."
"I did, but I rescheduled it. I wanted to be here instead, with you."
"A beautiful woman such as yourself...shouldn't be spending so much time with an old, ugly...geezer such as myself."
"You're still as handsome as when I was four years old."
"You always did know what to say and do to get this old man...to smile." Mark said. "I'm serious, though. You're too young to be spending...so much time in a hospital...with me. I'm sure there are other things you could...and should be doing and I always feel like I'm keeping...you from...them. Like I feel like I stole so much of your childhood...because you...were taking care of me."
"I SHOULD be here with YOU." Alexahndria emphasized. "And you didn't steal away any of my childhood. I enjoyed, enjoy the time I spend with you and like I said before, I WANT to be here with you."
"Well okay, if you're sure about that. It's appreciated though. You're the one I've always been able to talk to."
"We've always been able to tell each other anything, even the most painful things." Alexahndria emphasized, bringing his hand up to her cheek.
"Enough of this sadness. Have you and John decided on your honeymoon destination?"
"He says it's a secret but I already have a good idea where we're going because he made sure my passport was valid."
"Well he'd have to be the dumbest person on...earth or have a very thick head if he hasn't been getting all the hints...you've been dropping about wanting to take a cruise of...Alaska."
"Guess I haven't been very subtle about that. We'll see very shortly if he listened to me at all." Alexahndria laughed.
"You tell that boy if he doesn't take you to Alaska, he'll have to answer...to me." Mark warned.
"Yes sir."
"And you tell him he'd better...take...care..." Mark stopped when it became very hard for him to breath and he started coughing harshly.
"Take deep breaths, Uncle Mark, take deep breaths." Alexahndria encouraged him after securing the oxygen mask around his face. It took five minutes for him to stop coughing and when he did, the episode left him tired and struggling to breathe. Another three minutes passed before Mark's breathing returned to normal. "I think we've talked enough for one day. I want you to keep this on and try to take a nap, and this time I mean it."
Mark nodded his head and smiled (she always loved his smile, remembering how many times it brightened her day when things weren't going her way). Closing his eyes, Mark squeezed Alexahndria's hand and drifted off to sleep.
~He's not going to make it to my wedding~ Alexahndria thought, the realization hitting her hard, ~I know he's trying, but he's not going to make it~. Alexahndria looked at her uncle, the man she easily considered to be her second father, and felt those familiar tears starting to well up in her eyes. She always made sure he never saw her cry because she knew how much it would upset him, but it was getting harder and harder to do so because of how frequent his coughing episodes were becoming. They happened five or six times a day, sometimes more, where a few years ago they happened only once every two or three months. His heart had started giving him problems four yers ago and the last year had seen her uncle being reportedly admitted to the hospital, but this latest stay was definetly his longest...two weeks and counting. Heart disease was very commom in their family, it had claimed her grandmother and her grandfather, but she knew that was only part of the reason...Alexahndria firmly believed Mark was dying from the broken heart he had acquired thirty years ago. It had kept beating for as long as it could (he had told her several times she was the reason his heart kept going) and now it just wanted to stop, it was tired of beating. Alexahndria knew her uncle was ready to move on, he was ready to reunite with Rain. Mark held the hand of his niece as he listened to the beeping of his heart monitor and he wondered how much longer he would hear that noise. Every breath with every passing day was becoming more difficult than the last, andmore painful. He had hoped his heart would hold out a few months longer so he could see Alexahndria walk down the aisle, but it didn't look like that was meant to be. He could tell that his time on earth was slowly drawing to a close and he couldn't fight amymore for her. Alexahndria was the only reason he had made it this far. She was his angel, the answer to his prayers, and without her he would have been dead shortly after Rain had been killed.
The phone call he had received the night of the accident still haunted him to this very day, he was never able to close his eyes without thinking about it. Rain's father was the one to call him. He had been expecting a phone call from Rain, telling him about what she, Micheal, and Sahtori had done the night before but the morning and afternoon had passed with no such phone call. And then he heard Rain's father's voice on the other end of the phone, he was hoarse and his voice was very soft. Mark could only remember the words Rain, accident, and killed instantly before he dropped the phone and sank to the floor screaming. He just kept screaming, incapable of anything else, and he also remembered the tears.
At some point after the call, he could remember ending up in his sister's arms and being rocked back and forth as she desperately tried to calm him down. It took her close to an hour to accomplish that feat with Mark wearing himself out until he slipped into unconsciousness, and they spent the rest of the evening on the living room floor because Sam was too scared to move and risk waking Mark. The next week was a complete blur to Mark, he barely remembered the trip back to Nashville and seeing Rain's parents, but he did remember in that span of time burying a friend, a childhood best friend, and a best friend and woman he loved. In less than three weeks, four people had been taken away from him, three of which had bee taken violently, and it was more than Mark's heart could stand, causing him to hide within himself and shut everybody out including his father and sister.
After the funerals, Mark spent the majority of his time locked up in his house, to the dismay of his family, where he was haunted by memories of his time with Rain. That was all that was left of her...memories. Memories of when they first met, memories of how they couldn't stand each other, memories of falling in love, memories of the fun they had teasing each other, memories of the night they first made love. The more he thought of her, the deeper he fell into his depression and sorrow...and the more he hoped that someone would just end it all for him. Even though he really didn't want to, Mark went back to work a few weeks after Rain was buried and it was the only contact he allowed himself with anybody but he didn't really talk to anybody unless he had to. Once he returned to the house, he didn't answer the phone, didn't bother to see who was at the door. His friends and family were at a loss as to what to do, they wanted to help him but he didn't want their help. He wanted to be left alone, he didn't want to talk about Rain and actually never uttered her name to Sam, his father, or his remaining friends for the rest of his life after her funeral.
One month after the accident, Mark received a visit from Rain's father, it turned out to be the last time he would ever see either of Rain's parents again. At first he wasn't going to answer the door, he was content sitting on the couch with Gus, but he happened to look out the window and instantly recognized Rain's father's car. Not much was said when he walked into the house. There were the usual 'How are yous' and 'What have you been doing' exchanged between the two, and Mark asked how his wife was, finding out that she was doing as well as he looked according to her father. "You been eating at all, Mark? You look like you're losing weight." Rain's father commented.
"Not really, I haven't felt like it. Haven't felt like doing much of anything here lately." Mark answered.
Rain's father looked at him for a couple of minutes, completely taking in the man before him. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail which only made his face look more hollow and paler, the circles under Mark's eyes weren't helping his appearance either. The clothes he wore were starting to hang loosely on his frame, and that was saying a lot because Mark was such a big man. With all that in mind, the one thing that alarmed him the most was the empty, lifeless look in Mark's eyes...there was nothing there, no trace of the man who had loved his daughter, no trace of the humor, the fun, or the kindness that made Mark Mark. "Have you been talking to anybody about what happened? Please tell me you aren't locking yourself up in this house."
"The people I would talk to are no longer here." Mark answered, his voice flat. "There's no use in talking about it because nobody can help me and I don't want their sympathy or pity. All I need is to be left alone and not for people to come around with silly smiles on their faces trying to make me feel better."
"That's where you're wrong, Mark. You don't need to go through this alone, being held hostage by memories of better times and thoughts of what could have been or the what ifs." he replied. "My wife tried that and she learned quickly that it wasn't the answer and finally accepted help."
"Is there another reason for this visit besides lecturing me?"
"Yes. I wanted you to hear this from one of us and not a stranger and my wife is still dealing with this news so I came here to tell you myself instead of telling you over the phone." Rain's father looked him in the eye. "We now know the official cause of Rain's death."
"I don't want to hear it." Mark said, starting to walk away. "She died because she was in a serious car accident."
"There's much more to it than that. The driver of the other car was drunk."
Mark stared at him and Rain's father watched the first real emotion settle across Mark's face...pure hate. "The young lady had just received her driver's liscence and went to a party to celebrate where some of the kids had been able to get their hands on some alcohol, the parents of the kid who was throwing the party were out of town for the weekend. Well the girl had a little too much to drink and one of her friends saw this and took her keys away, but a few minutes later she got distracted and layed the leys down and the girl found them. Nobody saw her slip out of the house. The kids at the party didn't say anything to the police at first because they were afraid of getting in trouble because they were minors and they had been consuming alcohol, but the girl who had originally taken away her keys but didn't keep them broke down and told the police everything after she learned her friend had killed three other people.
"So it was all for nothing. Rain, Micheal, and Sahtori all died for nothing. Three families were devestated and torn apart for nothing, all for nothing." Mark began pacing and yelling. "All because some stupid under-aged girl didn't obey the law and drank alcohol, because a friend didn't do the right thing and hold onto her car keys, because the parents were nowhere to be found, because nobody in the whole damned bunch was RESPONSIBLE?"
"Four families were destroyed Mark."
"I don't give a damn about that girl, she brought this on herself and I feel nothing but hate for her. I have no sympathy for her or her family. It's because of her that I no longer have my best friend or my fiancee."
"Calm down Mark."
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Mark shouted. "Don't tell me what to do, don't tell me how I'm suppose to feel or how I'm suppose to act."
"That's not what I'm trying to do at all." Rain's father said. "But being angry at that girl isn't going to bring Rain back."
Mark glared at him and then looked down at the floor, running a hand across his face. "I know that." he whispered. "But I need to blame something, I need to shift this anger and pain somewhere."
"I understand that need all too well. I'll probably never be able to forgive that girl or accept her family's apology for what she did to my daughter and Micheal, but I can no longer give anymore of myself to hating her. It's too exhausting and I need to move on, for my sake and for my wife's." Rain's father placed a hand on Mark's shoulder. "And you need to move on too. I'm serious, Mark. You need to find something to help you look past the pain you feel, something that will give you reason to want to look forward to another day. Whatever it is, you need to find it soon. I see the road you're headed down and I don't want yours to be the next funeral I have to attend."
Mark nodded his head, his eyes still glued to the floor. He knew he needed to take his advice but the desire to do so still wasn't there and he didn't know if it would ever be.
"Start taking care of yourself Mark and don't hold it against your family and your friends if they offer you their help. They're only doing it out of love and soon you're gonna find out that you really need it." Rain's father gave him a pat on the shoulder and walked towards the door, but a picture of his daughter and Mark on an end table cause him to stop.
He picked up the picture and ran a hand over it, smiling down at the image of his daughter which was smiling up at him, a champagne glass in one hand and her other arm around Mark as they stood in front of a hot air balloon. "She was so beautiful. Of couse she only thought I said that because I was her father and it was my duty to make her feel better about herself, but that was only a small part of it. She was beautiful before the accident, she as beautiful after the accident, but it wasn't just on the outside, she was even more stunning on the inside and you, me, my wife, and Micheal were very fortunate to have seen that beauty. We gave up everything for her...being close to family, friends, we left our jobs and everything that was familiar...we left our lives behind to start all over for her sake, because she needed it and I'd do it all over again in a heart beat, no questions asked. Look what it did for her. She found undying, devoted friendship in Micheal and she found unconditional and unwavering love in you. She absolutely glowed when you were around or when she spoke of you, Rain never thought she's find someone who would love her and make her happy, but you proved her wrong, you showed her there were still gentleman left in the world who knew how to treat a woman. If for only one moment, my daughter was truly happy and I thank you for giving her that happiness...and despite the bad feelings that existed between you two, my wife thanks you too." he placed the picture back on the table. "Goodbye Mark."
Mark listened to his car pull away and walked over to the picture, picking it up himself. "You should still be here with me." he said outloud. "You weren't suppose to leave me. We were suppose to get married and grow old together." A drunk had so profoundly altered the course of her life, changing how she looked, the person she was, her perception of people and trust, and taking away her best friend and she had survived it all. But where the first drunk failed, the second one had succeded...she took her life. "You survived cancer just to have your life taken away from you by a drunk teenager." he threw the picture down on the couch and began to take his anger out on whatever he could find...the wall, furniture, pictures, mirrors, figurines, dishes...nothing was spared. When he no longer had the energy to continue his destruction, Mark grabbed the picture and stretched out on the couch. With it craddled in his arms, he closed his eyes and silently cried.
One month stretched into two and two stretched into three and the time saw no change in Mark or his outlook on life. He continued to go to work and come home where he ignored everybody and everything, except for Gus, just to start the same process over the next day. Taking care of Gus was the only thing that actually kept Mark going and without that cat, he probably wouldn't have gotten up in the mornings or fixed himself anything to eat. With the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday on him, Mark wastched as some of his employees laughed and joked with each other, talking about how they were gonna have to put up with the dreaded mother-in-law visit or the screaming of their sibling's children. It didn't even phase Mark that none of his employess, some friends, no longer involved him in their conversations. They didn't know what to do with him or how to act around him, so many just ignored him unless he talked to them directly or was handing out paychecks. He had succeded in pushing the majority of them away with his silence and they no longer tried to be his friend, and although many were still very concerned about him, they learned very quickly that you can't help a person who doesn't want your help and no longer cares about anything at all. Mark was indifferent to the whole celebrating the holiday thing and had just planned on watching the football game or hopping on his bike and going for a drive, but those plans were thrown out the window when he pulled into his driveway and saw a strange car parked there and lights on in his house. Of course nobody should have been there and he cautiously walked to the house and opened the door. Wondering who was in the house. It didn't take long for him to get his answer.
"UNKIE MARKY!" Alexahndria screeched as she ran to him with her arms opened wide. Surprised at first, Mark could only watch her run towards him but he recovered quickly and picked her up in a bear hug. "Surprise!"
"Hey sweetie. What are you doing here?" Mark asked as he brushed away one of her signature wild red curls away from her face. Her hair seemed longer to him and she looked taller than the last time he had seen her...or maybe it had just been too long since he had thought about her. "Is your mom here?"
"She and daddy are here. Mommy said you needed us and that's why we came." Alexahndria played with his necklace. "We rode on a plane and everything. The plane was REALLY bug and scary, Unkie, but I got on it anyways and it turned out to be fun. I got something to color and they gave me a pin and the lady on the plane was real nice and I met a girl on the plane. Do you want to see my pin and my picture? I also have some other things to show you. You want to see?"
"Sure, but let's go find your mother first." Mark carried her past the living room into the kitchen where he saw his sister checking several pots on the stove and his brother-in-law preparing a salad at the table. Samantha looked up and smiled at her brother. "Ah, you're home. We're just about finished with dinner."
Mark walked over at his sister, still unsure of whether he was happy to see her or unhappy that she had come into his home unannounced without his permission. Hearing his niece giggling and watching her play with his hair and his necklace, Mark opted for the former and leaned down to kiss his sister's cheek. "Hey sis, how are you?"
"Better now that I've seen you." Sam answered. "You hungry?"
"It smells good but I don't feel like eating."
"But you gotta eat dinner, Unkie Marky. If you don't, Mommy won't let you have dessert." Alexahndria protested. "Don't you want dessert?"
"Dessert sounds good...I guess I could eat a little of the salad."
"But Mommy made your favorite and mine, spaghetti. Aren't you gonna eat some of it?" Alexahndria insisted.
"Okay, okay, okay. I'll eat some." Mark gave in. "I think your mom puposefully had you greet me at the door so that my defenses would be weakened and I would have no choice but to surrender to your every wish. I never could stand to see a pout on this face." Mark gave his sister a look that said 'We'll talk later'. "Now why don't you show me all your stuff."
~That's my girl~ Sam thought as she blew a kiss in her daughter's direction. Alexahndria winked at her over Mark's shoulder and then proceeded to talk Mark's ear off as only she could.
"Don't forget the cherries, Unkie Marky!" Alexahndria warned.
"My goodness, how could I have forgotten about the cherries?" Mark reached into the refridgerator and pulled out a jar of cherries, nearly emptying all its contents into the bowl before putting it back into the fridge. "Now it's perfect." Mark placed the bowl containing the ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, cherries, and two spoons between them and sat down beside Alexahndria. "Shall we scarf this thing down?"
She laughed and nodded her head eargerly, picking up the spoon and taking a big bite. The two ate in relative silence for several minutes until the whole concoction had disppeared. Once they had finished the little girl placed her spoon back in the bowl and looked at Mark. "Unkie Marky, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, honey. What is it?"
"You look so sad. Why are you so sad?"
"I'm sad because I lost someone close to me."
"Mommy's good at finding things, maybe she could help you find them."
One of his first genuine smiles in months appeared on his face at her lack of knowledge of death. "It's not that simple, honey. She's never coming back."
"Are you talking about Rain?"
"Yeah I am."
"Mommy said that even though we can't see her or talk to her, she's still here watching over us and looking over you." Alexahndria said. "Does that make her an angel?"
"She always was an angel but now she truly is one." Mark sadly said.
"I wonder if she has wings and a halo, I wonder if she can fly, I wonder if she's wearing a long white dress that reaches the floor. I bet she looks beautiful...all angels are suppose to be beautiful."
Mark smiled and looked down at his ring, his mind going elsewhere.
"You miss her a lot, don't you Unkie Marky. I miss her a lot too, but don't worry, you still have me and I'll take care of you for Rainy and I'll make sure you don't lose me because I don't want you to be sad anymore." Alexahndria climbed into his lap and gave him a long hug.
"Thanks honey. It means a lot to hear you say that." Mark replied as he returned her hug. It probably wasn't 'scociably' correct for him to be finding comfort in the arms and words of a four year-old child during his time of grief but he could have cared less about what other people thought. Maybe she was what he needed to start rebuilding what was left of his life. At least he knew she wouldn't try to get him to talk about Rain or his grief over her death and only wanted to make him laugh and smile. And he DID want to see her grow up. In the shadows unbeknownst to Mark and Alexahndria stood Sam who had heard everything that was said and she was touched at her daughter's desire to help and watch over her brother. ~That little girl was just what the doctor ordered and what he needed to bring him out of that shell some~ She only hoped this was a sign of things to come and he would somehow be able to build on it.
"Have you two finished your ice cream?" she said as she walked up behind Mark.
"Yep, we ate it all, every last drop." her daughter answered.
"Well you know what that means then, don't you Alexahndria?"
"Do I have to go to bed?" she whined.
"Yes you do. We had a long flight her and remember you wanted to help me cook Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and that's going to be a day long thing and you wanted to stay up and watch the football games so you need to go bed early tonight." Sam explained.
"Oookay." Alexahndria made a long face. "Night, Unkie Marky."
"Night, honey. I'll see you in the morning." Mark ruffled her hair and set her back on the ground.
"Your dad's waiting for you in the living room." Sam called after her as she ran away. She received a 'kay' and 'love you, mom' in response. Sam smiled at her and took her daughter's place beside Mark at the table. "I knew Alexahndria would be the one who would get you to come around."
"In the future, don't use the relationship and love I have with my niece to get me to do anything else, like getting me to eat, and don't use her as an excuse to check up on me, claiming it to be a holiday trip. If you want to know how I'm doing, come by yourself the next time." Mark accussed.
Sam's smile immediately evaporated and was replaced by an angry glare. "I'm not using my daughter for anything. I didn't just come here to 'check up on you' as you said, I came here BECAUSE of my daughter. You can ignore me and you can ignore our father, that's okay because we know why you're acting this way, but I won't have you doing the same to Alexahndria because she's still too young to comprehend the reason behind your behavior, she doesn't understand just how much Rain meant to you. She's wondering what SHE'S done wrong to make her uncle stop calling her and seeing her, so I thought that spending Thanksgiving with her would be good for you and her both. And if her being here gets you eating and smiling and talking, in other words acting semi-normal for a change, then yes I'll encourage her to do it as long as we're here. You need to look at her and see that you still have people here with you that care and love you and your pushing them away is hurting them. But don't you dare accuse me of using my daughter for anything every again."
Mark looked away for a minute, cursing himself for jumping to such conclusions so quickly. "I apologize for that last statement. I was completely out of line but that was the impression I got."
"Well it was the wrong impression."
"Before this conversation goes any further, I want you to understand two things. I don't want to talk about her or what happened to her and Micheal. Understood?"
"Understood...but Mark, it's been three months and you haven't made any attempts to look past the accident. You're still stuck in the past on the night when you received the phone call for Rain's father."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a f**king time table or a set of rules I had to follow."
"There aren't any rules to follow but you can't continue to sit in this house and waste away as you are now. This isn't what Rain would want-"
Mark suddenly leaned forward until he was mere inches away from her face. "I'm warning you now, don't even try to use her memory against me."
Seeing that this approach was going to get her in serious trouble, Sam left it alone and moved on to something else. She put a little more distance between them before she continued. "Mark, I want you to think about this, and it's only a suggestion. Would you consider moving back to Texas?"
"Why would I want to do that?"
"To be closer to your family, to try and make a fresh start." Sam answered. "What's keeping you here?"
"The only thing keeping me here is my bike shop."
The shop...of course. He had worked hard to build that business and he enjoyed what he did for a living. It wasn't likely for Mark to give that up.
"But I'm going to sell it."
"What?!"
"I no longer want the responsibility of the business and my heart is no longer in it. It isn't fun to me anymore." Mark explained. "I'd still like to work on bikes and cars but only part time. Let someone else endure the stress of the business, I only want to worry about working on bikes. Two of the people who work for me have shown interest in buying the shop and I'm going to make them an offer."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Very sure. I want to get out of this town, I want to get out of this state, and I don't want to come back." Mark said.
"But do you want to move back to Texas or do you want to start over somewhere completely new?"
"I was thinking of moving back home to Texas, been thinking about it for a few weeks." Mark answered. "I need to be closer to dad so I can spend more time with him and I'd like a chance to spend more time with Alexahndria and you."
"Okay, then it's settled." Sam took his hand and squeezed it. "It will be nice to have you closer to us. I was so worried about you...and scared, scared that I would lose you next."
Mark leaned forward and hugged his sister. "I hope you can keep that from happening."
Mark moved to Texas in the middle of January, wasting no time in getting settled back in his hometown. Most of December had been spent making final touches on the sale of his shop and the sale of the house. Sam had already found a few houses for him to look at in Texas and Mark flew there at Christmas to decide which one to buy. By the time he left, Mark had chosen a small two bedroom house with a big yard and modest privacy from his neighbors, perfect for him and Gus and also for the visits he planned on having from Alexahndria.
Speaking of Alexahndria, she was none too pleased with Mark at the beginning part of his visit because he didn't celebrate the Christmas holiday with them. Mark knew shortly after Rain died that he wouldn't be able to celebrate the holiday like he had for years before...he had proposed to Rain during Christmas, it was her favorite holiday...and when she died, so did the magic of Christmas. But Alexahndria didn't understand how a person couldn't like Christmas and why he didn't stay with them for the day, so when he returned that night, she refused to look at or talk to him. Mark mended fences by giving her a gift a nd a card and accepting a gift from her the day he was scheduled to fly back to Nashville. When the big moving day arrived, Mark left with very few material things to show for his years spent in Nashville. He only kept those things that were very important to him and the rest was given to friends and different charities and stores such as the Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Anything else he needed, Mark was going to buy once he got to Texas, and that included brand new furniture. When his truck crossed the Tennessee state line, Mark never looked back and he didn't regret at all what he was leaving behind.
The path to recovery and healing began as soon as Mark moved to Texas. Within two weeks of his arrival, Mark had settled into his new home and had found a job working for the son of a friend of his father at a small shop that may not have had many customers, but those that did come were very loyal and usually brought more business via friends and family. Mark only worked there four days during the week, the job mainly being used to get him out of the house and to continue doing a hobby he had enjoyed since high school, because money wasn't an issue anymore having saved quite a bit of money over the years and investing the money from the sale of his shop.
Although he enjoyed his job, the one thing Mark always looked forward to were the visits he received from Alexahndria at least two nights a week, time where it was just the two of them. Those visits were responsible for the close, special realationship that developed between Mark and Alexahndria over the years that only became stronger as Alexahndria grew from a little girl into a young lady. She became Mark's best friend in a way, as odd as it may have seemed to call a person who was over thirty years younger than you your best friend, and in many ways, Mark was Alexahndria's best friend.
Mark smiled in his sleep as he remembered some of the conversations he and Alexahndria shared and how they evolved as she grew up. He could recall talks about such things dolls, cartoons, why the grass was green, and why rainbows formed (over the customary tea party that most girls held) when she was little that graduated to talks about boys, music, friends, clothes, and movies when she was thirteen that finally led to conversations over broken hearts caused by boys she thought wouldn't hurt, fights with friends and their eventual reconciliation, the dress she would wear to senior prom, and her decision to become a nurse when she was in high school.
Everything that happened to Alexahndria, be it big or small, Mark always heard about, and sometimes he was the first and only person to which Alexahndria talked...and that made Mark uneasy at first because as much as he cared for Alexhandria, he loved his sister and he didn't want his sister and brother-in-law to fell like he was trying to 'take' their daughter away from them so to speak, like he was taking away too much of her time that should have been spent with her parents. It took many years of convinving on their part that this belief was nowhere close to what they thought, but it was always in the back of his mind, and many times he would cancel one of their outings or send her home early...and that caused that attitude and temper of hers that she inherited from his side of the family to kick in. Mark had to chuckle when he thought of the times she refused to talk to him, at one point it lasted close to three weeks because she was so pissed at him...she knew why he was acting like he was and he couldn't have been more wrong but trying to explain that was like talking to a brick wall, he was just too stubborn to listen to her. Then the day came when she had reached her limit and she was going to MAKE him listen to her, so she promptly got into her mother's car, drove her little butt over to his house into which she burst and proceeded to set the record, and him, straight. She lit into him for thirty straight minutes, explaining that her relationship with her parents was just as strong as the one she had with him and neither was suffering because of the other and that there were some things you just can't talk to your parents about and that's when you turn to your friends or other people you trust. She went on to tell him that she talked to him more than her parents sometimes because, parents being parents, they night overreact to some things or not understand other things but he never did that, he LISTENED to her, UNDERSTOOD her, and he didn't get upset or try to talk about other things when certain subjects came up. Alexakndria kept going at him and everytime he tried to say something she would hold up her hand and throw 'I'm not finished yet' at him and start all over again. When he saw that he wasn't going to get a word in edgewise unless he did something, Mark walked over to her and placed a hand over her mouth, effctively silencing her, and waited until she calmed down and was ready to listen to him.
"Alright already. You've made your point and I heard you loud and clear. I will no longer make any more decisions that concern you without consulting you first." Mark laughed and removed his hand. "Opinionated, stubborn, loud, strong-willed...I must be a magnet for women with these characteristics."
"You haven't seen just how stubborn and strong-willed this girl can be buddy." she warned.
"I'm sure I haven't." Mark commented as he lead her to the kitchen where many of their heart-to-heart talks occured. "You remind me so much of her sometimes."
"Remind you of who?"
"A ghost from the past." was the only answer he offered.
Alexahndria was always curious as to who this ghost from her Uncle's past was and if they were somehow connected to the ring her uncle wore and the saying behind it, but she was always too chicken to ask him straight out. When she asked her mother about the ring or the person, her mother had warned her not to ask about her uncle's past, why he lived alone, or why he wasn't with somebody. Everytime she even mentioned that ring, Mark would get very quiet and say 'Not now, maybe when you're older I'll tell you'. That day came, quite by accident, when Alexahndria was visiting him during a break from college. He had sent her into his room to get something for him off his nightstand and when she couldn't find it, Alexahndria began looking in the drawers for it and that's when she found two pictures. One was a picture of her uncle and a woman and the second picture was of her uncle, the same woman, and another man. Her eyes lingered on the woman in the picture...she looked familiar to Alexahndria, perhaps someone from her childhood? The woman was beautiful, even with the scars that graced several areas of her face. Who was she?
"What are you doing?" her uncle yelled, snatching the pictures away from her and placing them back in the drawer. "I didn't give you persmission to snoop around here."
"I'm, I'm sorry, Uncle Mark. I wasn't snooping, I was just trying to find the letter and that's why I opened the drawer." she apologized. "It wasn't intentional and I didn't mean to make you mad."
Mark's anger immediately faded away. "I know that and I don't know why I just yelled at you."
"Is she the ghost from your past?" Mark nodded his head. "Who is she? Did I know her?"
"You knew her but you were only three when she was killed."
"Tell me about her."
"I don't know if I can. It's been seventeen years since I've even said her name." Mark said as he sat down on the bed.
"Maybe it's time you did." Alexahndria sat beside him. "What was her name?"
Mark smiled. "Her name was Rain."
"Tell me about Rain."
Mark took a deep breath and began to tell Alexahndria about the woman he still missed and loved. He told her the tale of how they met, how they fell in love, the difficult times they endured, how Rain had beaten cancer, and finally how she and Micheal had died...the first time he had even mentioned them being killed by a drunk driver, his sister was still clueless to that fact. Alexahndria's arms went around her uncle's shoulders when he finshed, holding him as he allowed a few precious tears to ease down his face.
"Stop fighting her memory, Uncle Mark, stop hiding her from everybody." Alexahndria said. "Let her out, it's better for you to let her out and to talk about her."
"It hurts so much to think about her and give life to her memory. It physically hurts my heart to remember the life I had with her."
"You've let some of that pain out. Now all that's left is to embrace her and move on, not leaving her behind but taking her with you." she said. "You can allow yourself to be happy, Uncle Mark. It isn't wrong for you to be happy even though she isn't here, you don't have to feel guilty about that."
"You're always the voice of reason to me." Mark smiled and hugged her. "The wisdom you possess for someone so young is astounding."
"I came from a long line of wise women." she joked. She opened the drawer, took aout the pictures, and grabbed Mark's hand. "Come with me." Alexahndria led Mark into the living room stopping just in front of the mantle of the fireplace where several pictures of her, her mother, and her grandparents rested. She quickly rearranged the pictures so that the two in her hand had a place to sit. Walking back over to Mark, she wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him.
"She shouldn't be locked up in a drawer in your room. She should be out here for everybody to see."
"Yes she should." Mark replied and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you." From that point on, Mark would always talk to Alexahndria about Rain...and she even accompanied him to his only vist to her grave.
That day was a major turning point for Mark and signs of his former self began to reappear again and everybody noticed this change. He talked more to his sister, went out more, became more involved in enjoying his life...he basically lived more for the rest of his life. Yes, Alexahndria HAD saved him and she was, in every sense of the word, his guardian angel.
Alexahndria continued to hold her uncle's hand as he slept. Looking down at her watch, she saw that two hours had gone by since his latest coughing episode and she knew she would eventually have to leave him to go to work, though she was very reluctant to do so. Alexahndria always feared that one day she would come back to visit him just to find out that he had passed away while she had been gone...but she was gonna have to face the reality that that day was quickly approaching. Alexahndria smiled as she looked at her uncle, his long red hair and long since turned silvery grey and most of his tattoos were faded but they were still recognizable. The word she had to use to describe him now was frail, the disease had taken such a toil on his body causing him to lose a lot of weight. He was no longer the man who seemed so invincible and strong when she was younger, the man who she was sure would always be energetic and tough, but she saw that he too was only mortal and that time catches up with everybody, leaving them shells of their former selves.
She longed for the times when he was healthy. She longed for their Friday night dancing date, a tradition which started when she graduated from nursing school but had to be abandoned two years earlier due to his failing health. She wanted to return to the days where she would come over to his house a few days after Christmas and they would have their own private holiday celebration where they exchanged gifts and cooked a grand feast for two. Their Christmas celebrations where very important to Alexahndria because she was the only person with whom her uncle would recognize the holiday, he still refused to celebrate Christmas publicly as most people did. Alexahndria's head snapped up when the rhythm of the heart monitor became erratic for a few seconds and finally settled on that long eery sound that announced her uncle's heart had stopped. A nurse quietly walked in and stood on the other side of his bed, respecting his wishes that he not be revived if his heart stopped or his breathing ceased. When it was clear that he had passed on, the nurse silenced the heart monitor and gave Alexahndria the privacy she needed to say goodbye and to grieve for her newfound loss.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry but we need to start taking care of him." the nurse quietly said as she placed a hand on her shoulder.
Alexahndria sadly nodded her head, not wanting to let go of her uncle's hand because it meant she would have to accept that he was truly gone. The one thing which gave her the most comfort as she stood and wiped away her tears was he had not died alone, she had been there by his side when he took his last breath. Alexahndria leaned over and softly kissed her uncle's forehead for the last time and whispered 'I love you' in his ear before she gently crossed his arms and raised the sheet over his body. With one final glance, Alexahndria turned away from his bed and walked out of the room.
Mark looked around him, taking in the emptiness and wondering in which direction he was suppose to go. ~Where am I? Is some one going to come for me? Why am I the only one here?~
"Hello?" he called out. No answer.
He had just taken a step forward when he felt a cool breeze against his face, causing him to stop and look around him...his hair hadn't even stirred. Thinking it was nothing, Mark began walking again and this time he felt a breeze on his hand and then the back of his neck. He whirled around to see if anybody was their but, once again, saw nothing. That's when he thought he heard laughter, very faint and seeming to surround him. Mark closed his eyes, trying to located the source of the laughter, and wondering if perhaps someone was trying to drive him crazy...they were doing a great job if that was their intention. His eyes suddenly flew open at a sent that began to envelop him, a familiar perfume...one he hadn't smelled in years, then he felt a hand on his arm. Slowly looking behind him, Mark gasped at who was standing there...Rain. She was smiling up at him, oh how he had missed that smile, her hair dancing around her face, which was flawless, and her dress dancing around her body...she was nothing less than enchanting. Rain eased her arms around Mark, pulling him close into a hug.
"Welcome home...Grace"
**'Goodbye Earl' by the Dixie Chicks off the CD 'Fly' Copyright 2000